When you know you would just feel better…

If for just a brief second let out a little…

But mighty yell?

Oh, you don’t? Right. I don’t every think about doing that either. Nope, not me. Happy, serene homeschool mom. *quietly whistles as I walk out of the room*

Ok. I’ll be honest. I get frustrated. I do. Yes, I do. My day doesn’t go as plan. The baby wants to play at 3am and the 2 year old wants to be up before the sun. Suddenly the 11 year old forgets fractions and the 6 year old is almost in tears over reading. And exactly where are the missing scissors and why is the floor wet in the very spot I just sat down in?

Hmm, maybe I’ll add some tears in with the scream. Yes, I think I will.

Or maybe I won’t.

Every morning I gather up the children for time together in the Word and working on scripture memory. For the months of May and June we read through the book of Proverbs. For the month of July, we have been in Philippians. Yes. The whole month. 4 chapters. We read one each day and have just kept cycling through. There is so many wonderful things to study and pray about in Philippians. I have come to love the words of this book so much during this month.

And tonight, I was sharing with a friend how I just felt like crying. Life isn’t going the way I want it. I feel frustrated. I’m tired. I’d like to just scream and let it all out. And I came to blog about that and make myself feel better by throwing my little online fit.

Then the Lord placed His firm but gentle hand on my shoulder and drew me close. He brought the words we have been studying to my mind and comforted my heart.

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your won salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in both you to will and to do for His good pleasure. Do all things without complaining or disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain. Yes, and if I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. For the same reason you also be glad and rejoice with me.”

Philippians 2: 12-17

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4: 4-7

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things. The things you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you”

Philippians 4: 8-9

I needed to be reminded of these words tonight. I want to focus on what is true and pure and lovely. I don’t want my children to see me as a mom who is constantly grumbling or frustrated with life. I want them to see that I can rejoice in all circumstances. Will I always succeed? Nope. I won’t. But they will see that I keep trying. Keep pressing toward the goal.

I can’t wait to see how the Lord is going to speak to me in August.

The bigger kiddos have gone with their daddy to prayer meeting. I am stayed behind with the little ones who need a bit of extra sleep. They are sleeping at this very moment.

We are house sitting for friends this week. Since we are in a “strange” house and her room buddies are not here, I grabbed a pillow and blanket so Sarah could snooze on the couch this evening. (I’ll move her to bed later.) She was cuddled up on one end of the couch and I was nursing Sam to sleep on the other end. Every now and then she would look at me and smile, I’d tell her I love you and I watched her eyes getting heavier and heavier.

In a moment she was asleep. I watched her for a bit. Still and quiet. Those two words are not often associated with Sarah.

Before I know it, I hear Sam’s little snores. He has fallen asleep as well. I hold him a bit longer. Yes, I know. I spoil my babies. I’m ok with that. I love to cuddle them to sleep. The time can pass so quickly. I want to savor those sweet baby smells and sounds.

Sam is now in his bed. Sarah is beside me on the couch. I have a kitchen that needs to be cleaned. My clean up crew was running behind and had to dash out before we were done. But I want to enjoy the stillness, the quiet just a bit longer.

Thank you, Father, for this moment. For reminding me to take time to be quiet. To be still and know that You are God. Father, I thank you for this moment to remember how You have blessed me beyond measure. Amen.

Lydia and Sam enjoying the shade. Bekah napping?

After a while, we feel a bit tired. Maybe a change of pace or scenery would be good. We stop to get out and stretch our legs. We notice a newer map. Wow, it shows a different way to go. Hmmm, maybe we should go this way. It looks like it will be faster, more scenic or just more fun!

Breaking news….Mr. Cuteness has some fuzz on his head. Guess what color it looks like?!!?!?

Back in the car with our new map and we are on our way. At first it is great. The sky is blue; the grass is green and no bumps in the road. We round the curve and bam! things aren’t looking so great anymore. We suddenly realize that we haven’t gotten as far as we thought. The new map that seemed so wonderful just had us going in circles. Why did we buy the new map? Why didn’t we just stay on the road we were on?

Are you wondering what in the world I’m talking about?

Homeschooling. When we began homeschooling we had a clear direction in site. We knew exactly where we wanted to go and how we were going to get there. For some crazy reason, I couldn’t be content with the road we were on and decided to get a new “map”. Let’s try this method or that curriculum. Now there is nothing wrong with finding that a new method works better or that a certain curriculum is a better fit for one of your children. I am not saying that at all. But when you allow yourself to be pulled away from the foundation, the core, of what you desire for your children, well that is bad. At least it is for us.

So many thoughts run through my head for this picture.

We have been talking about how we have veered off the path we set out no and how to rectify that. In the next few weeks, we are going to be working hard to our focus back. I have a few books that I’m going to read and some long-term planning to do. Since I blog mainly for me, I decided I’d keep a “journal” of sorts on here to help me flesh everything out. You have been warned!

Then today was Monday. You know what I mean? Yep, the we are all exhausted from a wonderful day of worship and fellowship combined with the two little ones didn’t want to sleep at 3 am so we are a bit (um, a lot) whiny Monday. Yes, that Monday. It was Monday where I didn’t have a vehicle and I felt that I really needed one. The walls were closing in on me. The baby was fussy, the two year old wasn’t happy with anything, the 6 year old needed help writing notes to friends and the 11 year old was having pi for math and it wasn’t settling well.

It was one of those days where I was a bit envious that my hubby gets to leave and go talk to adults and see a different set of walls. He can go grab lunch out if needed and come home late and not worry if he has enough diapers or when the baby will need to eat again. Yeah, he’s got it made. Mmmhmmm. Poor old me. Stuck at home with all these fussy kiddos.

Thankfully, God gives me a gentle rebuke. He gently opens my eyes to the truth. He soothes my heart with what is precious in His sight.

Eddie came home from work this evening. I couldn’t wait for him to get home so I could beg for 15 min to just get out of the house. The Lord reminded me of a picture I took today and wanted to show Eddie. The picture was of two sisters being goofy in the midst of the dreaded *Monday*.

While Bekah and I were discussing the wonderfulness of pi, Hannah crawled over to listen in beside Bekah. When Bekah rolled to her side, Hannah, I guess needed a better view. I looked over and immediately told Mary to bring me the camera. I love the silliness of the picture but the sweetness, too. I told Bekah she grew a second head to help her with her math.

Back to my perspective…I allowed myself to focus on all the negatives of my day, forgetting precious moments like these. Giving no value to baby kisses, two year old giggles, 6 year old smiles….

Then Eddie saw the above pictures and as he laughed he said, “Man, you get all the fun stuff.”

Wow. Thank you Lord for the 2×4 on my heart. Eddie was right. I am blessed beyond measure. I get to see the first smiles, I get to hear them read their first words, I see two sisters being goofy, I get to rock them to sleep, read them stories……I don’t have to leave them every morning. Forgive me Father for my selfishness. Thank you, Lord for restoring my perspective.

The guy who, after seeing me trying not to gag on the Mongolian BBQ , took me McDonald’s for a burger and grabbed himself a hot fudge sundae? Do you know after 14 years of marriage he still grabs me a burger from McDonald’s? (And still loves a good hot fudge sundae)

The guy who holds sleeping babies on his chest…

The guy who loves the Lord with all his heart…

The guy who holds me every night as I fall asleep…

The guy who makes me laugh every day…

The guy who gets teary eyed at the thought of walking 5 precious daughters down the aisle..

The guy who is working hard to create a business to pass down to his son…

The guy who I love to hear preach the Word…

The guy who keeps me stocked in chocolate…

The guy who sings silly songs…

The guy who leads us in family worship…

The guy who still catches my eye…

The guy who loves my cooking…

The guy who is so willing to help others…

The guy who calls me Sweetie…

The guy who isn’t afraid to say he was wrong (not that he is ever wrong, snort)

Thank you, Lord for blessing me with 14 years as Eddie’s wife. I know without a doubt that I am completely cherished by him. I never doubt his love and care for me. I don’t take that for granted. I am beyond blessed to be called Eddie’s wife; his Sweetie.

I love you, Eddie. I can’t wait to see what the next 14 years hold for us. There is nowhere else I want to be!

(I’m done being mushy. Carry on.)

*Note: I would love to include a picture but I’m not on my computer and our wedding was pre-digital, lol. So wedding photos are in storage. Just imagine us with no gray hair and a little bit smaller and there ya go.

Lately, I have noticed a few attitudes/behaviors in my kiddos that aren’t what they should be. Attitudes toward each other, showing a bit of disrespect here or there, choosing to follow when they should choose to lead, etc. What was the best way to handle that? I decided that a bit of scripture memorization would be a fine start. After some time in prayer and reading the scripture, I felt that one of Eddie’s favorite verses would be perfect.

Philippians 4:8

“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.”

If they are busy thinking about what is noble or lovely, if they are looking for what is of good report, that should help them to focus on what they should be doing or saying and who they should be following after. I want to teach them to reflect on their attitudes and actions and see how they compare with this verse. I want them to strive to please God and not man.

Do you know what happened? God spoke to me. He is so merciful in how He gently guides me to what I need to be learning. I didn’t just read that one verse. I have been reading the whole chapter. And another verse jumped out at me.

Philippians 4:9

“The things which you learned and received and head and saw in me, these do and the God of peace will be with you.”

Wow. How awesome is that? Not only was Paul saying do what I have taught you but do what you have seen me do. It wasn’t just a “do as I say, not as I do” instruction. Paul meditated on what was noble and just and lovely and pure. Can I do that? Can I look at my children and say, “Do as you have seen me do.” I think they have done as they have seen me do. And I don’t like it very much. Their attitudes, their disrespect, and their frustration with simple things they learned from me. Who are they with all day? Me. Who gets frustrated with a simple math struggle? Me. Who gets upset over the spilled water? Me. Who sometimes is whiny about not being able to go do this or that? Me.

Yep, that mirror was pretty dirty. Not a very nice image of myself was showing. A dirty reflection of the love and mercy of the Father. Forgive me, Lord. Help me clean the mirror and make my reflection shine. Help me show my kiddos how to clean up their mirrors and shine, too.

How’s your mirror looking today?

Are you ready for the long version? Have some chocolate and your favorite beverage? Fabulous!

Several weeks ago, as a family, we were reading through the book of Genesis. We have read through the book of Genesis quite a few times and with all the other books of the Bible one would wonder why we were reading Genesis again. It was for Joseph.

Joseph was the son of Jacob; the son of Rachel. Joseph had a dream about his older brothers bowing down to him. This, of course, does not sit well with the brothers and they plan to kill him. However, they decide to just sell him instead. Joseph then ends up in Egypt. Although things started out well for Joseph in Potiphar’s house, he ends up in prison. However, his ability to discern dreams leads to him being Pharaoh’s right hand man. Happy ending, right? But that isn’t the end! Famine comes and thanks to God’s working through Joseph, the Pharaoh is prepared. And who comes for food? Joseph’s brothers. The family is moved to the land of Goshen in Egypt where they prosper.

“But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring about as it is this day, to save many people alive.”

Genesis 50:20

God lead our family to read about Joseph again. Life is not going as we planned or had hoped. We are not where we envisioned ourselves to be a few years ago but we are exactly where God has put us. From the outside, things aren’t looking to great. We have a hope. We are going to be on the other side eventually. We are going to be able to say “but God meant it for good”.

I can already say that. Living with another family was not in my plan for 2010. But I have already been blessed so much in the past couple of weeks. God knows exactly what I need. And what I need isn’t always a place of sunshine and rest. Sometimes I need to be tossed in a pit or into a prison so I can get to the other side.

I needed to read about Joseph. My family needed to read about Joseph. And what an awesome time it is going to be for our children when we get to the other side. What an awesome time it is on the journey there!

***************

Here is my issue. I don’t really know where to begin the long version, lol. My brain is usually fried by the time I get to blogging. This could be a total disaster.

God began working in our hearts several years ago about family and church and life. Our thoughts/beliefs on different things changed. Drastically on some things. Eddie was a full-time pastor and we were at a church that we loved and had no desire to leave. God had other plans. A few years ago, we left that church to start a family-integrated church. The past 3 years were hard and wonderful all at the -same time. As I look back, it is kind of funny how many times we were asked if we were “leaving the ministry” or if this new church was “some kind of cult”.

Sadly, after 3 years and much prayer it was decided to dissolve the church start. At the same time, Eddie lost his job. And I was very pregnant. Isn’t it comforting that we can rest and trust in God’s timing? Eddie’s parents had moved into the area a year or so ago so we moved in with them right before Sam was born. We briefly thought about Eddie returning to a “traditional” Southern Baptist church. After much prayer we knew that we could not. We would have to compromise too much on our theology and family beliefs. Finding a job did not happen as quickly as we hoped. Then Eddie’s parents decided to move to Florida. Unfortunately, we were still looking for a job and our housing was going to be gone.

This is where the wonderful church family comes in. Amazingly and wonderfully, God had just provided this family with a new home that would allow them to open their home to others. I doubt they realized how quickly God would open that door, lol. So we are currently living with a family of 13. And it is an amazing blessing.

Is this where I wanted to be? Was this in our plans for our family? No. No way, lol. God had different plans. His ways are not our ways. His understanding is not our understanding. I am so thankful I can rest in that.

And one day, we are going to be able to look back at this time and see the mighty way the God moved in our lives. And we can share that with our children and give praise to the Lord for His love and care.

So, I think you should grab your Bible. Read Genesis. Be encouraged. God is faithful.

Did that make any sense? I feel like I am just rambling on these late night postings. Feel free to ask for clarification, lol.

The other day I was having one of those days where I had allowed my perspective to get knocked around a bit. I had overslept. The kiddos had not. A couple of the little ones really should have slept a bit longer. (This means they were really, really grumpy. So was I. Fun times.) School just wasn’t happening the way it should. Energy was abounding and the weather was not outdoor play friendly. Honestly, it all boils down to the fact that mommy was in a bad mood. And I allowed my thoughts to keep me in a bad mood.

Until God gave me a little smack upside the head and put my perspective back on track.

I was standing at the kitchen sink ignoring the squeals of laughter and joy coming from the back room and looked out the window. What did I see?

Yep. A school bus. I looked out the window and saw a school bus letting off some children. No big deal, right? It was 5:01pm. Five o’clock in the evening. Hello??? School is out before 3 and we are getting home at 5?!?!? We are not in a big city where the children are bussed across town. I could not believe it.

And that is the moment the squeals from the other room penetrated my brain. And my perspective changed.

Those children could have been my children just getting home from a long day at school. Just walking in the door as I was cooking dinner. But my children were home. With me. With each other having a blast.

I’m not sure what they were playing. They were having a great time. When Sam woke up and I couldn’t finish dinner, Mary took over and just pretended their cook had died and she needed to take over preparing their meals.

This child cracks me up. She can make cooking into a part of their adventures out West.

And if I was still struggling with a grumpy attitude, well, this face really helped my heart. The girl means business.

Perspective is such an important thing. I’m so thankful for seeing that school bus drive by the house. I was focusing on all the wrong things. I was focusing on how loud the kiddos were instead of the joy coming from those squeals. I was complaining about chores not getting done instead of focusing on my mean cook always ready to lend a hand. I was focusing on siblings’ little squabbles and forgetting the bond of friendship they share.

How’s your perspective today?

“Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these.”

Philippians 4:8

***Disclaimer: I homeschool my children and I stand firm on that choice. No offense intended to those who send their kiddos to public school and use the big yellow bus.

On January 31^st she turned 11. Once again her birthday was celebrated with the ground covered in ice; just as her 1^st birthday was. She didn’t care. Did it dampen her celebration? Not the slightest. All she wanted was a late night girls’ night at home with chocolate and a movie. Precious. She is just precious to my heart.

To think I once held her in my arms and cuddle with her during her naps.

She is my right hand. All the little ones love her to pieces. She is such a blessing to our family. It was a bittersweet birthday for me. I love seeing the young woman she is becoming but it is sometimes hard to say good-bye to the little girl she was.

Happy Birthday, Bekah!!!!!

My friend, Melissa, hosts Share a Blog. I have really enjoyed discovering new blogs. I thought I would play along today.

Large Family Mothering is one of my favorite blogs. This is written by a home school mom of fifteen. It never fails on one of those rough days that I can find some encouragement at this blog. Enjoy!